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Slowdive … my love-hate relationship to Slowdive…
Maybe not even love-hate, maybe just perfect contentment with some minor personal souring.

I think if you’re worth any of your salt as a #shoegazelistener you will have come across people discussing this band and my bloody valentine as the two quintessential 90s originators you just HAVE to check out, and while there’s some truth to this… I mean … I think the clear and obvious winner here is MBV no question no debate no discussion.
Slowdive, while really good at creating slow(hehe)-building, massive sounding textures, kind of feel like that's what they try to do every single damn song. And it's good! But I genuinely feel myself getting tired and worn out trying to listen through any one album of theirs, it's too relentless song after song. I think MBV just have a lot more energy, and the feelings they convey are much more varied and come across much more strongly, at least in comparison to an album like Souvlaki where all I get a freaking picture of in my mind is someone staring out wistfully into the distance and smoking a cigarette or something back to back to back.

I think this big issue I have with the way they kind of don’t let up with these massive song structures and emotionality is more of a personal autistic one and less of an indictment on their part. I had the opportunity of seeing them live last year and jumped at the chance, given how unlikely I felt for this to happen again (Australia is a forgotten wasteland) and had an experience so bad it has put me off concerts for the time being.

During their performance of Catch the Breeze, they really, Really indulged in the instrumental ending of it, extending it long past its original cut off, like, the guys playing guitar just truly going at it for what felt like forever. The stage lights and LED screen behind them flashing so quickly, with some zooming in starry or static visuals making it feel like the end of the world, or like you’re being sucked into that. And it was REALLY COOL - but with the relentless visuals going on, and this massive sound being created (as well as on every song prior to this!!), and having people on all sides touching me, this girl in front of me particularly jamming out and bumping into me - it completely fried my brain to smithereens.

I remember being so into it and then suddenly just really desperately wanting it to end, to have some kind of relief, shutting my eyes and covering my ears and hanging my head to the floor, barely being able to even breathe. I remember choking up so bad by the time the song ended that I was bawling my eyes out, and had to squeeze out back to the concert foyer for a good 30 minutes or so just to get myself together again. My partner at the time was with me, which I’m extremely extremely thankful for looking back on, and stayed with me the whole while in a moment I now regard as possibly the most I have ever felt truly cared for in my life. Then again, they also didn’t really like the band at all anyway, so I hope they felt they weren’t missing out on too much ^_^ Shucks.
Thank you.

So while I kind of associate them with this mini breakdown of mine, I think back on the sweetness of that gesture a lot too. It was also really nice eventually going back inside and just chilling out to their more softer electronic stuff like chained to a cloud and kisses. Some VARIETY I can appreciate, really freaking wish it had come sooner!!

Speaking of which, the purpose of what all of this complaining is leading to!
As much as their earlier works have wreaked their havoc on my mind, I think I find a lot of this variability I want on the EPs they released during this time too - or maybe their shorter length just makes the sound more digestible to me. One of which I have only just now listened to, is Morningrise.

This is maybe extrapolating something that isn’t there, but this collection kind of feels to me like a day cycle, with each song representing certain points - morning, day and night. It feels like it captures the day-to-day of someone in some kind of mourning, and clearly not making the most of their time. Someone Like Me ^_^

Morningrise sets everything off as the morning to me (shocker), with some really hazy and discordant guitars while still remaining quite pretty and somewhat optimistic - and feels a lot noisier than I expect a Slowdive song to, which is welcome! Lyrically, to me, and in tandem with the instrumental elements and my theory slash conspiracy on the concept, it suggests the subject beginning their day, waking up regretting and reminiscing about some hurt or loss, but possibly feeling some comfort or optimism in at least recognising that - they refer to these thoughts as “the devil” taking their mind, giving them love and giving them air, and loathing that things long past seem “more beautiful” as each day passes by. They try to “pay it no mind”, but are still “losing all the time”.

She Calls begins the daytime through evening, and I think captures the subject falling back into grief - constantly “calling”, “screaming”, “howling” across the sea, through wind and rain, where if an answer ever awaited them, such landscapes and conditions make their call impossible to be received or reciprocated. It feels like an attempt in vain, or simply to expel these emotions taking a grip on them which I would say is emphasised by the song sounding most Slowdive-y to me in how big and spacious it feels.

Losing Today, the evening, is much more quiet and soft and a welcome break from the previous tracks (could have used this in a concert-like setting but i am totally just saying). The entire song has a soft heartbeat drum rhythm in the background, and paired with the spacious and precious vocal lines “she sits and waits … waiting for her heart to break” I think the feelings of despair are evident enough. Similarly to my feelings on Boris’s Farewell, the sparsity of this track feels much again like the acceptance of grief, or waiting and pleading for it to finally hit them. It ends with some kind of half hearted resolve to try not to lose another day like this, and the track fades, possibly to signal them falling asleep to begin the cycle anew, or god freaking willing, break free of it.

I am totally projecting here, but I think these songs being tied up in a nice little collection of 3, with daytime themes, and one of the songs literally being called Morningrise and aligning with my theory so perfectly and neatly, this should be taken as resolute fact and gospel and law and such.
These writings continue to get longer and longer...

That's it for this theory. a Shoe Gays Theroy . Thanks for Reading